Last week, I wrote about how Hers was malfunctioning and had to be repaired.
This week, I happened to be in His looking for my toiletry bag when I heard a familiar sound. Upon inspection, I discovered that His has developed the same problem!!!!! How is this even possible within such a short space of time???????
Unusually, we have His & Hers loos in the Vicarage. Not quite his & hers like the ones in America but they are literally next to each other with separate doors so I decided to start using them as His & Hers.
Unfortunately, the flushing system in Hers is malfunctioning so I had no choice but to turn off the water and stop using it. Vicarages are usually the responsibility of the individual Diocese so we have reported the fault to the housing department and they have very kindly arranged a Diocesan approved plumber to come in tomorrow.
In the meantime, I was murmuring to myself the other day how inconvenient it is to use His now that Hers is out of order. It was then that I realised how privileged I am to have an inside loo with running water whereas so many millions in the world still have to travel such great distance to just collect water in very poor sanitation conditions. How dare I murmur when we have THREE loos in the Vicarage? I am so ashamed of myself. The human heart is so sinful!
Recently, I was in one of our parish churches for Sunday service. Unfortunately for me, the tablets that I was taking at that time was upsetting my stomach and causing me to be sick. However I didn’t want to miss church so I was thankful that this church has a loo unlike most of our parish churches.
When I entered the church, I informed the person on door duty that I might need the loo during the service as I know that the loo is always locked. I was quite shocked by what I heard next….
“Yes, that’s fine. When you need the loo, walk towards me, tap me on the shoulder, I will go behind the curtains and get the key for you!!!!” Honestly??? Why the palaver????????
Thankfully in the event, I didn’t need the loo!!!!!
This morning I woke up to a blocked toilet. Yes, one of our toilets had become blocked overnight. Last Saturday it was our boiler, this Saturday it was the turn of our toilet. I decided to ignore leave it until I had finished my Saturday jobs including a cooked breakfast. In between jobs, I googled “blocked toilets” to see what I could do to rectify. If you notice, I haven’t mentioned the Mhinisteir yet! Regular readers will know that he is hopeless with his hands. I am marginally better. I decided I won’t involve him.
I tackled the blocked toilet with some bicarbonate soda and vinegar, a brand new bottle of Sarsons malt vinegar to be precise! I also followed it up with boiling water afterwards. Thankfully the toilet is now unblocked.
I have never had to unblock toilets in my life before. As they say, there is always a first time!!!!
We had the cleaner today for the first time since lockdown restrictions were eased. Like most of the country, we are in Tier 2. Since rules dictate that we must not come into contact with the cleaner, we stay locked in our respective rooms.
Unfortunately, I had a loo emergency. I don’t know what the rules are concerning trips to the loo in an emergency but there was no way I was going to text my cleaner to ask for her permission! Since time was not on my side, I made a quick dash the moment I heard the hoover in the sitting room. I don’t know if I broke the rules but needs must!!!
Coincidentally, this happens to be Sky’s Kay Burley’s excuse for breaking Covid Rules. Just that she was using someone else’s loo while I was just using mine!!! (I don’t believe her though!)
Most of our parishes Churches DO NOT have loo facilities. Yes, you read that correctly! In this day and age you might ask? Yes is the answer!!!
There are many reasons why these Parish Churches do not have loo facilities. Finance is one of the reasons. Rural Churches are often neglected. Another reason is that these Churches are many hundred years old and so any addition to the building is nigh impossible. I empathise.
However, there are a handful of Churches in our Benefice with loo facilities. Apart from one the rest of the loos are locked and hidden away! What? You read that correctly too!
Why? Because the Churchwardens do not want anybody to use them. In fact, most people do not know that these Churches have loo facilities. These loos are known as “CompostToilets”
On Sunday, just before the service ended, I realised I needed the loo. This is despite restricting my fluid intake that morning. Thankfully this Church has a loo and as the Vicar’s Wife I am privy to their secret location! I quickly hurried to the secret location before anyone spotted me. Just as I reached for the handle to the loo, I spotted a padlock. The loo was locked!!!!!