2022 · Anglican · Blogging · Butcher · Church of England · Clergy Wife · England · Faith · God · Rural · Scotland · Tears · Vicarage · Winter

A simple jar

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Several years ago, after our move to England, I found myself in an emotional turmoil. I found England to be very different. I am sure people who have had to move between countries will empathise with me.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with England or her lovely inhabitants. It was me. I was used to something strikingly different. If you have watched the Scottish drama Shetland, you will get a rough idea of what most of my married life was like on various islands. The joys of being married to a Vicar! To be thrust into a city was a culture shock, to say the least. Everything from finding new friends to getting a certain cut of meat from the butchers was difficult.

I needed to turn a corner and needed to do it fast before life became unbearable. That was when I decided to do something with an empty jam jar (a clean one!) and scraps of paper. Every time I prayed over something, I would also write it down on the scrap piece of paper and put it in the jar. Every Sunday evening, I would go through all the written prayers and remove the ones that have been answered. It was amazing how many scraps of paper I was removing from the jar every week! I was beginning to feel better again as I was reminded through this act that even though I was lonely, God never left me! By the time, we moved yet again, another three times actually, the jam jar got lost and I forgot all about it!

However, since the start of January 2022, I have resurrected this habit and am feeling the better for it!

2020 · Blogging · Bully · Church of England · Clergy Wife · England · Faith · Forgiveness · God · Left Handed · Midsomer Murders · Rural · Scotland · Scottish Highlands · Tears · Vicarage · Village

Bullies are Cowards!

I was excited to be moving to England.  I had never been to England just to London.  All I knew about England was through Midsomer Murders!  I was disappointed that there was no John Lewis in Oxford but never mind.

I was excited about finding a job in England.  In Scotland, I was self employed. I was nervous about working in the outside world but I needed to get stuck in. 

Despite being well qualified, I wasn’t getting past the interview stages. I was frustrated.  There was a firm in our village and I decided to email my CV to the owner (who was to become my boss). Just that they were not hiring!!!’ I got a reply the next day.  I started work on the  21st of September! I was elated.  It was my dream job!

Sadly for me, I knew by day two that I was unhappy in that office. My boss was a couple of years older than me. He was hot tempered and got very angry at the drop of a hat. I was often afraid that he might throw something at me! His behaviour was erratic.  Was he a bully?  I had never met a bully before so I quickly brushed that thought aside.  How wrong I was!

I didn’t want to resign because it had been so so difficult trying to find a job.

My boss monitored my every movement including my emails, phone calls. etc. I knew I was being monitored.  Thankfully I could walk home for lunch so was able to get some respite. I felt trapped. 

I dreaded going to work.

By Christmas that year, I was so stressed that I had developed ulcers all over inside my mouth. Despite all the emotional sufferings, I never missed a day’s work!

The final straw that broke the camel’s back was one Friday in February when my boss CONFISCATED my chair for about 2 hours!!!! I had to type a report standing. He found it all amusing. Was this really happening to me? Me a middle aged woman being treated like a naughty child?

I served my one months’s notice.

What was supposed to have been a very happy start to my life in England had made me homesick and miserable.

A few years later, just when I thought that I had put this very sad chapter of my life behind,  I heard that this person was preparing to become a Church of England Ordinand!!!!! Don’t these things only happen in the movies???

It has been many years since this happened but it still feels very raw. I will always remember the 21st of September for all the wrong reasons!

2020 · Anglican · BBC · Blogging · Book of Common Prayer · Church of England · Clergy Wife · Condolence · England · Faith · Forgiveness · Funeral · God · Heaven · Left Handed · Multi Parish Benefice · Parish Church · Parish Life · Parishioners · Prayer · Radio · Radio 4 · Rural · Tears · Vicarage · Vicarage Kitchen

Heresy of Universalism

I listen to the Daily Service on Radio 4 long wave but am not always very pleased with the choice of presenters. I am surprised by the high number of non clergy who present it.

I am High Church but not Anglo Catholic: I like the service to be traditional and preferably by a member of the clergy. I am happy with a fair balance of traditional and non traditional services but often times, they are more non traditional than traditional.

The theme yesterday was the Criminal Justice System. During prayer, the clergy person addressed prisoners as God’s children! I am no theologian but I was taken aback by that particular description. I know that God is our Creator and We on earth are his Creation. As far as I know, we call God our Father when we enter into a relationship with Him.

Anyway, this subject was a thorn in my flesh as I had just finished reading about the widow of the policeman who was so brutally killed last year. I was very sad to know that they had only been married for a month and that the widow was not even allowed to see his body for one last time as his body was so mangled. How cruel!

Heresy of Universalism means there is no hell. I think one is clever enough to know what I am trying to say. There is forgiveness but only if we repent.

By the way, I got this big term from the Mhinisteir so please don’t be too impressed with my blog title!!!! As I say, I am no theologian!!!

2020 · Blogging · Church of England · Clergy Wife · Coronavirus · Death · England · Faith · Heaven · Left Handed · Rural · Tears · Vicarage

Grey Hair

As I was combing my hair in front of the mirror the other day, I realised that I have suddenly gone quite grey.  I don’t know if I have suddenly gone quite grey or that I had never noticed my greying hair before. I prefer not to cover my greys.  As I was going over my hair with the comb, I realised that the grey hair does suit me.  Very well actually😬.

As I continued combing, My mind slowly moved to spiritual things.  What a privilege it is to be able to turn grey.  Many people’s time on earth is cut short in their prime.

A school friend of mine passed away when we were in secondary school.  She died due to unnatural causes ( I won’t say any more).  She never got to go grey.  What a solemn and sombre thought for we take many many things in our lives for granted.

2020 · Blogging · Church of England · Clergy Wife · Faith · God · Health · Left Handed · Parish Church · Parish Life · Parishioners · Prayer · Protestant · Rural · Scotland · Scottish Highlands · Sleep · Tears · Vicarage · Weather

Thunder, Lightning & Hailstones

Well that was what the weather was like for us on Saturday.  In fact, the whole of last week was cold and wet.  It felt like as if I was back in bonnie Scotland!

Sadly, I was feeling as rotten as the weather.  Due to health reasons, I spent a lot of time in bed.  I was playing agony aunt for the first half of the week which made me  emotionally tired.   When people share their problems and asks you for advise, you are bound to feel their anxiety and tension. Whatever advise I give has to be done prayerfully.  I don’t like to be known as the Vicar’s wife for this reason….People somehow think that you are holier than them!  They are wrong (obviously) but I don’t blame them.  However, prayer not only takes up a lot of physical energy but emotional energy too.

Thankfully, I am feeling a lot perkier this week even though I am still physically quite tired.

2020 · Blogging · Charity · Church of England · Cleaner · Clergy Wife · Condolence · Coronavirus · Death · England · Faith · Foodbank · Funeral · God · Left Handed · Multi Parish Benefice · Observations · Parish Church · Parish Life · Parishioners · Prayer · Rural · Tears · Vicarage

Vicarage Virus Update…..

The Coronavirus lockdown has meant that the Mhinisteir is working from home except when he has to conduct funerals. The Vicarage telephone has been very busy with both incoming and outgoing calls. Everyday among other things, the Mhinisteir has been trying to ring his parishioners to enquire and pray with them. With us being in a multi parish benefice, he has a lot of parishioners! He has also been receiving telephone calls from parishioners especially the elderly who are afraid and are already thinking about their funerals and are making tentative arrangements! So it is business as usual with at the Vicarage.

As for me, I am quite enjoying the peace and quiet as we don’t have anyone knocking on the door except delivery people. It is also nice to have the house to ourselves as there are no meetings held at the Vicarage.

Sadly, we have had a couple of suicides in our parishes which is worrying.

Finally, as more and more people lose their jobs, I have put together some tinned food etc for anyone who might knock on the Vicarage door.

2020 · Blogging · Church of England · Clergy Wife · England · Faith · Forgiveness · God · Health · Left Handed · Prayer · Rural · Tears · Vicarage

No more tears!

I no longer tear. In other words I can no longer shed tears. I seem to have run out of tears. Is that even possible?

I first noticed that I had stopped shedding tears about a few years ago. I didn’t think anything of it but then I began to panic. I wondered if I no longer cared or have feelings. However I now realise that it is probably due to the very very difficult time that I have had to go through especially in the last couple of years.

I didn’t know that one could run out of tears. I do feel sad but just that the tears have stopped flowing. I pray that one day it will start flowing again. We are of course fearfully and wonderfully made as we are reminded in verse 14 of Psalm 139.